The Depression Untanglement

After a gap of almost two weeks, Happening has finally come out of hiding from his home.

After the successful maneuver of Mangalyaan on 11th June, Happening just had a small request for ISRO. He wanted to go to the space and take a selfie with the moon orbiter in space by travelling on his proprietary – The Dust Particle through radio waves. He even volunteered to take the ISRO chairman along with him for this once in a lifetime experience. This way he could also test the Amazon Fire Phone in zero gravity (yeah…Happ is the first owner of the phone…way before it was unveiled) – the ultimate performance endurance test for a phone. But unfortunately he was denied permission to do so. Being the law abiding citizen that he is, the dejected Happ went straight to his home and cried his heart out while at the same time listening to Taylor Swift’s songs.

However noting that he was going under severe depression, he soon shifted his attention towards the FIFA opening ceremony and the inaugural match in which his protégé Neymar will be carrying the huge burden of expectations of Brazil – the way heroic Happ carries the Megahero burden in India. But unfortunately he sunk furthermore in the vacuum of depression after hearing Pitbull’s We Are One (Ole Ola) song.

Looking at his crestfallen state, even his pet goldfish – Goldilocks got sick and required immediate attention. When Happ tried to search online with Google Voice Search he wasn’t getting the relevant results. He immediately called Google and gave them a piece of his mind as well as an ultimatum to get their acts together with respect to his accent.  Now coming back to Goldilocks, Happ found a novel way of treatment by feeding it some really high-energy food like Pedigree so that it became active again. This also took his mind off the ISRO episode.

And today,after two weeks, Happ’s hard work has finally paid off as Goldilocks is back to its original ritual of flying from one aquarium to another. Yeah…just like Happ, Goldilocks has superpowers too. A call from Google was an icing on the cake as they have successfully upgraded their technology under which voice search features become compatible with Indian diction.

So finally after two weeks of despondency, Happ is again in a position to come out and carry out his selfless deeds for which he’s so well known for.

Mission Mangalyaan-ic Telepathy

After the tremendous success with Brazilian Neymar’s current form, the ISRO has decided to rope in the legendary Happening Babua for a costly mission.

Hold on. Did you miss something? Well…because of the big heart that I have,  I’m willing to tell you the preceding events in a nutshell.

Happening Babua doesn’t really have a fixed job. Whether he deserves it or not is an altogether different issue…a highly sensitive one in that regard, but our hero doesn’t believe in having one. The goal he has set for himself till 2020 is to become the ‘The Master of All Trades And The Jack of None’. Yeah…that’s right. And definitely realistic considering the vast experience Happ has by working in almost 367 job profiles.

In 2012 when Gangnam Style became a YouTube sensation, Psy was getting a lot of queries regarding his dancing and horse-riding skills – which remained a big mystery at the time. But finally after immense pressure from Justin Bieber and his manager he revealed his success mantra – Happening Babua. Happ had actually devised a deadly combo of dance and horse-riding moves, and had given Psy the rights to use this patented dance-riding moves. He also taught him how to embed the contagious virus so that it becomes a viral YouTube video.

After this ‘Revelation of the Decade’, a lot of football players started contacting Happening to coach them with some really breathtaking moves. After a tiring shortlisting procedure which lasted for almost 2 months involving pronouncing the players’ names, Happening finally decided to coach Neymar from Brazil as that’s the easiest to pronounce, in addition to the fact that it’s a combination of two Hindi words. And now…the rest is history. You can surf the net and get a hang of Neymar’s current game-form and compare it to his past. Happ is really-really a legendary megastar who has been somehow pushed to the background due to Rajinikanth’s immense popularity among the children of India.

Now that the FIFA World Cup is about to begin, Happ has stopped spoonfeeding Neymar and has asked him to fend for himself in the next one hell-of-a-glamorous month – now that Jennifer Lopez has agreed to perform at the opening ceremony due to Happ’s insistence. Taking note of the fact that Happ is now free from any commitments, the ISRO has roped him to play a kind-of football in space. Football and Happening’s telepathic superpower is the basis for this selection. The ISRO wants Happening to nudge India’s Mars Orbiter – Mangalyaan a tad closer to Mars. It’s not a routine operation. A great degree of precision is required in calculating and correctly firing the four small rocket engines on board the spacecraft in the exact direction for precisely 16 seconds — a high-pressure task capable of being executed flawlessly with Happening’s just one of the superhuman capabilities where he’ll communicate with Mangalyaan’s rocket engines telepathically and play with them like a football — a task which if fails would make the Rs 450 Crore satellite get lost in space rendering the highly prestigious Mars mission a dud unless, of course, it’s cast in Gravity 2.

Just another one of those heroic acts of Happ for which he has earned the rightful title ‘The Megahero of Superheroes’.

The Transformation Efficacy

I took the blank newspaper which arrived at my doorstep in the morning and inserted it into the USB port of my laptop. The game “The Great Indian Tamasha” starts to load. Now here’s the thing about this game. The main character of this game, the first and the one and only virtual superhero on this planet, Happening Babua creates sensations in whatever he does and thus makes the headlines of India as well as the world. The entire journalism sector is centered on the acts of Happening Babua (HaBa).

The game has finally loaded now. At last, it has been raining cats and dogs in Bangalore and HaBa, lying on a puddle of water on the terrace of his haunted-looking building,  has soaked in all the raindrops which dripped into his mouth. Since his internal organs are lined with sponge, he’ll have a store of water-energy for a considerable amount of time. His physical appearance has also changed drastically. Just like Raisin turning into Grape, his pale white complexion has taken a turn towards a pinkish one due to the consumption of his healthiest diet and has developed another ab – 4 now instead of yesterday’s 3!!!

After seeing his new-found-skin-complexion in his amoeba-shaped mirror he is so happy that he has decided to travel to Delhi on his personal vehicle-The Dust Particle to thank the Met Department officials for their on-the-spot rain prophecy. This has now also resulted in lowering the Stress Level Meter in the Met Department as they can now stay alive without any fear of getting assaulted by HaBa’s acid-spit.

On his way out of the department, he sees Prime Minister NaMo giving blessings to the MPs as they were touching his feet. When NaMo saw that HaBa is watching him, he immediately calls for a meeting in the Central Hall of Parliament and asks all the MPs not to touch his feet or that of any other senior leader anytime and rather be punctual and prepared for all the sessions; a reference to HaBa’s exquisite punctuality and his preparedness of bringing a bottle of Bangalore’s rainwater for the Met officials to taste.

And in addition to this, it’s worth noting that Flipkart’s promise to get the MotoE on the site by 11 AM is the total opposite of how seriously HaBa takes his words. HaBa is already thinking of going and convincing the government to immediately implement FDI in eCommerce to teach Flipkart a lesson. In spite of his regular purchase of scented candles to lighten up his house while at the same time getting rid of the stink of the carcasses of cockroaches and lizards, Flipkart hasn’t learnt how loyal HaBa has been to them till now.

But poor HaBa…and I mean literally poor…as in pauper. He has to book an LPG cylinder before the next month so that he can enjoy his patented pudding-Strawberry-Neem seed hot coffee fudge-at the same price as they’ll be dear next month.

And on a different note; seeing the healthy-looking HaBa at his pink, the NSE and the BSE both touched an all time high despite SEBI’s accusation of L&T Finance’s involvement in insider trading which didn’t really deter anyone.