Happening Pigeon

Sudden downpour at the beginning of the year wreaked havoc with Happ’s health for the past few days. Since he is despicably poor, Happ was forced to wear wet clothes the next day. He got so high a fever that he started coughing and sneezing coins! That’s right. It’s just one of his superpowers – whenever he’s ill, he coughs or sneezes coins! He makes money when he’s unwell!

Anyway, Happ has been regularly spotted with his pigeon in a number of cities recently, making everyone take note of his newfound transportation mode. This has hurt the egos of tech and travel companies across the globe. It is absolutely astounding to see some of the biggest of them going out of their ways to make Happ adopt the use of a smartphone. Since the day Happ started using his multi-purpose pigeon, these companies are fearing being deserted by their customers. In an attempt to avoid that, they have been making great strides in technology to rope Happ back in. Let’s look at a few of them:

1. Google: Google has said that it’ll bring out new updates to its Translate app. Google Translate, in the future, will have the capacity to auto-recognize popular languages and translate them into text in real time! That’ not it. It will also let you capture snapshots of signs, menus and so on, and then translate it onscreen. What they don’t know is that Happ’s pigeon, in addition to all these features also translates the language of animals! Do you think Google Translate does that?
2. WhatsApp: They are saying that their app will soon have a voice-calling facility. But do they know that Happ already talks with others through his pigeon? Happ also freely messages others and receives the same without the need of any blue-coloured double-tick marks through his pigeon!
3. In an attempt to make Happ travel by air, the Tata Group and Singapore Airlines’ JV Vistara took to the skies on  Friday from Delhi to Mumbai. However they made two mistakes: Firstly, Happ lives in Bangalore. How can they even expect the highly respected Happ to offload halfway in Mumbai? And secondly, they’re too late. Happ has now got a pigeon for his transportation needs after his Dust Particle was confiscated by the Indian Government. You have got to be really fast to impress Happ or else you won’t have a chance.

As the news of Happ’s pigeon spread far and wide, India started witnessing a rise in the visits of migratory birds. Just one of the examples being that the Chilika Lake has seen a marginal increase in the migratory bird population from 7.19 lakh birds in 2014 to 7.61 lakh in 2015. About 172 species instead of the 158 species an year ago. This should easily be attributed to Happ’s threat to vultures and also the fact that Happ himself has a bird in his house.

The Department of Industrial Policy and Promotion, seeing Happ more often these days, has big plans to rope in some investment into India. They plan to persuade the US to invest in India during the Make in India Show in Washington on January 20. They expect more companies to invest in India following Happ’s heroics. This also gives the Americans a chance to placate Happ after Kim Kardashian had cancelled her visit to India.

On the sports side, Lionel Messi has denied that he is leaving Barcelona. It should be noted that Happ’s protege Neymar also plays for the same team. Naturally, it makes sense for Messi to learn from Neymar all the tricks taught to him by Happ.

When most of the things go well, some definitely do not, right? That’s what happens with Happ’s life everyday. Though it was a good day for him, the Journal of the American Heart Association has published a study saying that almonds help to reduce belly fat. Just one of the many incidents which break his heart on a day to day basis.

Happening-ly One

After being out of the limelight for more than two months, Happening Babua was seen again today at a nearby chai shop witnessing the launch of Android One phones. But the important question which remains to be answered is ‘Where was he all this time?’.

 

It dates back to the the 7th of July when Happ’s personal transporter – The Dust Particle was confiscated by the Indian Government.  It was this unforgettable day which made Happ travel through a train and put tremendous mental pressure on him to devise a new mode of instantaneous real-time transportation which no one could confiscate in the future. This is what made him go into hiding and search for all kind of rubbish among the carcasses of cockroaches and lizards in his house. At last he came across an egg laid by his pet fish – Goldilocks. He took care of the egg for a month, while also focussing on his invention, till it hatched. A baby pigeon or squab, as it’s known as, slowly opened its eyes and surprise surprise! – the popcorn seeds nearby started popping soon enough and the baby ate those happily. It was as if it had superpowers. It had the eyeballs capable of emitting radio waves and lazers. This was perfect for a communication device for Happening. A perfect gift from his beloved Goldilocks.  However, it flew away after some days leaving Happ all alone in his quest to invent a transportation device. In his focus to invent the best possible device, he discontinued all of his outside communications and remained in his home.

 

When companies and government needed his help, Happ slipped into the sewage system of his building so that no one could find him. This is when Google decided that it needed to promote the launch of low-cost smartphones so that poor people like Happ could be contacted by the less-important-than-Happ people of the world and solve their issues. This was the basis of the Android One platform where Google saves the manufacturers their time and money by giving them a reference design, which they can use to make smartphones at lower costs. This is targeted at people who want to buy smartphones for the first time in their lives and have no bulgy wallet to do so.

After consulting Happ’s favourite top Indian mobile manufacturers, Google launched their phones today.

 

It’s yet to be seen whether Happ will buy any of these handsets or has come up with something breathtaking in the sewers of Bangalore.

 

The Depression Untanglement

After a gap of almost two weeks, Happening has finally come out of hiding from his home.

After the successful maneuver of Mangalyaan on 11th June, Happening just had a small request for ISRO. He wanted to go to the space and take a selfie with the moon orbiter in space by travelling on his proprietary – The Dust Particle through radio waves. He even volunteered to take the ISRO chairman along with him for this once in a lifetime experience. This way he could also test the Amazon Fire Phone in zero gravity (yeah…Happ is the first owner of the phone…way before it was unveiled) – the ultimate performance endurance test for a phone. But unfortunately he was denied permission to do so. Being the law abiding citizen that he is, the dejected Happ went straight to his home and cried his heart out while at the same time listening to Taylor Swift’s songs.

However noting that he was going under severe depression, he soon shifted his attention towards the FIFA opening ceremony and the inaugural match in which his protégé Neymar will be carrying the huge burden of expectations of Brazil – the way heroic Happ carries the Megahero burden in India. But unfortunately he sunk furthermore in the vacuum of depression after hearing Pitbull’s We Are One (Ole Ola) song.

Looking at his crestfallen state, even his pet goldfish – Goldilocks got sick and required immediate attention. When Happ tried to search online with Google Voice Search he wasn’t getting the relevant results. He immediately called Google and gave them a piece of his mind as well as an ultimatum to get their acts together with respect to his accent.  Now coming back to Goldilocks, Happ found a novel way of treatment by feeding it some really high-energy food like Pedigree so that it became active again. This also took his mind off the ISRO episode.

And today,after two weeks, Happ’s hard work has finally paid off as Goldilocks is back to its original ritual of flying from one aquarium to another. Yeah…just like Happ, Goldilocks has superpowers too. A call from Google was an icing on the cake as they have successfully upgraded their technology under which voice search features become compatible with Indian diction.

So finally after two weeks of despondency, Happ is again in a position to come out and carry out his selfless deeds for which he’s so well known for.