Happening Sports Scenario

It’s not every day that our beloved hapless Happ watches cricket, you know? The last time he sat down to watch a cricket match was during the last world cup where he was told by the God of Cricket himself that it would be his last world cup. Not wanting to miss this imminent end of an era, Happ watched the world cup with delight. Motivated by this new VVVVVIP viewer, the Team India performed exceptionally well and won the cup. WOW… such a respect for Happ every one has in this world!

However it was this year’s 26th March, when Team India was playing against Australia, that they got to know the true power of Happ’s blessings. Angered by the internal mismanagement inside the BCCI, Happ vowed not to support the team this time. And boy, they did miss that support!

Happ, instead, put his quota of blessings on New Zealand. No surprise here as to why they proved themselves to be the the dark horse, is there? And the only reason they lost in the finals was because Happ was chasing the kids on the streets who were teasing him by wearing ‘We love Rajinikanth’ t-shirts. If only, Happ was, instead, sitting in the barber shop he usually sits to watch a cricket match, things would have been entirely different. This defeat ultimately led New Zealand’s Daniel Vettori, the inspiring leader that he is, to end his 18-year career in the game as he thought that he let Happ down.

Happ saddened by the turn of events, which he had inadvertently orchestrated, took the cricket ball of these kids and hit it with a swing never seen before in the world. This shot was replicated by Saina Nehwal, thus helping her to become the No. 1 badminton player in the world. Just another example of Indian youngsters succeeding on the global stage by emulating just a part of Happ’s moves! Truly, Happ is a legend!

And on a different note, Indian Government is worried about Happ’s 2020 mission of him becoming the ‘Master of all trades and jack of none’. Because Happ works in different companies every day, India seems to be running out of companies for Happ. That’s why Jack Ma of Alibaba has come to invest more funds in India. This will result in more Indian technology entrepreneurs, thus giving Happ more job profiles to work in.

Just one of the instances where billionaires try to please our hapless Happ.

Mission Mangalyaan-ic Telepathy

After the tremendous success with Brazilian Neymar’s current form, the ISRO has decided to rope in the legendary Happening Babua for a costly mission.

Hold on. Did you miss something? Well…because of the big heart that I have,  I’m willing to tell you the preceding events in a nutshell.

Happening Babua doesn’t really have a fixed job. Whether he deserves it or not is an altogether different issue…a highly sensitive one in that regard, but our hero doesn’t believe in having one. The goal he has set for himself till 2020 is to become the ‘The Master of All Trades And The Jack of None’. Yeah…that’s right. And definitely realistic considering the vast experience Happ has by working in almost 367 job profiles.

In 2012 when Gangnam Style became a YouTube sensation, Psy was getting a lot of queries regarding his dancing and horse-riding skills – which remained a big mystery at the time. But finally after immense pressure from Justin Bieber and his manager he revealed his success mantra – Happening Babua. Happ had actually devised a deadly combo of dance and horse-riding moves, and had given Psy the rights to use this patented dance-riding moves. He also taught him how to embed the contagious virus so that it becomes a viral YouTube video.

After this ‘Revelation of the Decade’, a lot of football players started contacting Happening to coach them with some really breathtaking moves. After a tiring shortlisting procedure which lasted for almost 2 months involving pronouncing the players’ names, Happening finally decided to coach Neymar from Brazil as that’s the easiest to pronounce, in addition to the fact that it’s a combination of two Hindi words. And now…the rest is history. You can surf the net and get a hang of Neymar’s current game-form and compare it to his past. Happ is really-really a legendary megastar who has been somehow pushed to the background due to Rajinikanth’s immense popularity among the children of India.

Now that the FIFA World Cup is about to begin, Happ has stopped spoonfeeding Neymar and has asked him to fend for himself in the next one hell-of-a-glamorous month – now that Jennifer Lopez has agreed to perform at the opening ceremony due to Happ’s insistence. Taking note of the fact that Happ is now free from any commitments, the ISRO has roped him to play a kind-of football in space. Football and Happening’s telepathic superpower is the basis for this selection. The ISRO wants Happening to nudge India’s Mars Orbiter – Mangalyaan a tad closer to Mars. It’s not a routine operation. A great degree of precision is required in calculating and correctly firing the four small rocket engines on board the spacecraft in the exact direction for precisely 16 seconds — a high-pressure task capable of being executed flawlessly with Happening’s just one of the superhuman capabilities where he’ll communicate with Mangalyaan’s rocket engines telepathically and play with them like a football — a task which if fails would make the Rs 450 Crore satellite get lost in space rendering the highly prestigious Mars mission a dud unless, of course, it’s cast in Gravity 2.

Just another one of those heroic acts of Happ for which he has earned the rightful title ‘The Megahero of Superheroes’.

The Power Outage Mode

“A new day…a new beginning”, thought Happening Babua this morning. Staying at his friends’ house for the opening ceremony of his Chai Shop, Happening decided to finally take a bath after setting his all-time-high-record of the biggest bath between baths. His last bath was on the day of Holi when all the street kids decided to tease him by wearing ‘We Love Rajinikanth’ T-shirts and squirted him with aam-ras. Also he wanted to take bath to wash off all of his anger because of the last night’s argument with his friend regarding whether Batman is a real superhero or not. The intense argument lasted 3 hours which also resulted in the neighbours calling the Delhi Police notifying them about a possible murder about to happen. The ridiculously meaningless meaningful argument was finally decided by tossing a coin which had resulted in the hapless Happ losing the argument. After that when his friend offered him a cup of Hajmola-ladened tea with 45% latte, the hapless Happ dislocated his little finger by holding it out too far while holding the cup (as if the trauma of the day was not enough for him). And if that was not enough, the hapless Happ’s eyes started paining because of the brightness setting of the black and white TV in the house before he finally went off to sleep.

However, leaving everything behind, the helpless Hap took a long bath after which he brushed his teeth with a Neem twig. After an intense 37 minute decision-making struggle about which plug point to use for the hair-dryer, when he finally decided to use the one near the window, the lights went off. Offffff…poor hapless Happ!!! Really sad turn of events today too. But the optimist that he is, he decided to go to the terrace and get his hair dried naturally. And getting Vitamin D in the morning for free was like a cherry on the ice-cream. Ohh…about the ice-cream in the fridge…oh no…they are equivalent of sweet milk now.

Trying to wipe his tears due to the unfortunate turn of events, he noticed a bunch of kids on the street playing Cricket wearing the same Rajinikanth T-shirts. It was then that he decided to seek revenge – a vengeance which will put him on par with the makers of The Conjuring. He decided to tell them a number of horror stories he made while watching IPL recently.
It has been 5 hours, and the kids seem to be enjoying the story telling session. Poor hapless Happ will be better off becoming a comedy story-teller one day.

The Monsoon Prophecy

I took the blank newspaper which arrived at my doorstep in the morning and inserted it into the USB port of my laptop. The game “The Great Indian Tamasha of Happening Babua” starts to load. Now here’s the thing about this game. The main character of this game, the first and the one and only virtual superhero on this planet, Happening Babua creates sensations in whatever he does and thus makes the headlines of India as well as the world. The entire journalism sector is centered on the acts of Happening Babua.

The game has finally loaded now. On the barren lands of the cracked earth Happening Babua is anxious to know when he’ll be able to drink water. He never drinks water from the taps, bottles, glasses etc. It adds a kind of artificial taste which he so loathes and is sensed immediately by his sophisticated taste buds made of Nickel resulting in the water turning into acid in his mouth. That’s just one of his super powers.  Thus, in the eager anticipation of drinking water directly from the skies, he goes straight to New Delhi at the speed of Mach 3 on his personal emergency travel vehicle- The Dust Particle- and threatens to destroy the Weather Department with his acid laden spit unless they tell him when the monsoon is going to arrive. Panic stricken, the officials have given him a time of 24 hours for the arrival of monsoon in South India and have since vacated their offices and homes in case they have to face the wrath of the unpredictable Happening as he has nothing else to do if the prophecy is not true. As a result of this monsoon news, the Nifty hits the highest level in more than a week.

In order to celebrate the World Environment today, Happening plants a sapling in the middle of the Indian Ocean with cameras to detect some illegal activities and keep them in check, seeing which even Prime Minister Narendra Modi pledged to save mother earth. And in order to make the political environment also stronger he led the newly elected MPs take oath in the 16th Lok Sabha. This should take Happening’s mind away from his water crises and he calls the US president Barack Obama to meet Modi and mend the Indo-US relationship which was long due. This will now result in NaMo visiting US in September after seeking blessings from Happpening.

On the way out of the Met Department, he comes across Shekhar Gupta. Their interaction actually dates back to 2nd June, ie 3 days ago, when Happening was in a mood to read a newspaper in the afternoon after his futile search for dark clouds in the sky. Tiredness comparable to the most active snail on this planet, he selected Indian Express to read. Suddenly a fly came from nowhere and sat on his nose which prompted him to squash it to a horrible Final Destination-like death with the newspaper. He returned the blood-stained paper back to the vendor and selected a magazine and went home instead. Once this incident spread like wildfire in the evening, Editor-in-chief of the Indian Express Shekhar Gupta resigned as he felt that he was not effective in keeping Happening’s reading interest. On the 3rd, he went to Happening’s home and pleaded him to disclose which news magazine he had bought. After finding out that it was India Today that Happening turned to read news, Shekhar Gupta went to their office to become their Vice-Chairman and has vowed never to let Happening down again. Just one thing. Just one little thing or incident or action or decision of Happening. Enough to steer people in different directions.Back to the current moment,  Shekhar who had tears rolling down his eyes by now sought blessings from Happening and gave him a lift to France in his private plane. Seeing Happening on the front row, Maria Sharapova got so excited that she just finished the semi-final game off by winning it and came running towards Happening to take his autograph, which he so reluctantly obliged as he is not used to being looked upon a lot. In spite of his heroic acts to this nation the children of India still consider him to be the second best superhero after Rajinikanth, which Happening has finally come to terms with. After giving the autograph to Maria, he immediately flew straight to Amazon’s office in US  to unveil a video of a 3D holographic phone. He’d rather not disclose that it was actually his brainchild as this would disappoint all the children back home in India who would have to come to terms with the fact that Happening Babua is the real ultra-super hero of the world and Rajinikanth is nothing in front of him. Happening has such a big heart.

After coming back to New Delhi, he was so happy with the service that he made the Airport Council International (ACI) declare the Delhi Airport to be the 2nd best in the world…you know as he’s now comfortable with the 2nd best superhero tag. His presence was so scintillating that they ultimately forgot that this airport is actually a lake during monsoons. But anyway the awards stand as of now.

Happening is finally now back to his home and staring at the terrace to lick the first drops of rain.