The Budget Session Negligence

The moment he heard the helpless crunch across the ocean of his protégé Neymar’s back cracking like a wafer, Happening Babua vowed to seek vengeance by crippling whoever the shamelessly-irresponsible player from Columbia was. He called upon The Dust Particle to take him straight down to Brazil so that justice can be done… justice which even FIFA has failed to bring about. But anticipating the international conflicts because of whatever Happ was about to do, the Indian government confiscated The Dust Particle making Happ’s travel plans a washout.

Furious at the turn of the events, Happening did not respond to anyone for a day until he was called to attend the 1st day of the budget session of Lok Sabha in New Delhi. This was a goodwill gesture by the government to placate Happ and also a way to take his mind off the World Cup. With a new-found hope to witness something profoundly different, something spectacular, Happ flew over there by piloting a private airline as a freelancer and sat in the session. But alas, as it turned out to be, it was the same. The government taking a stand and the opposition creating a ruckus…. something every Indian is used to see on the television since childhood and sometimes even for family entertainment during get-togethers. However, this time in the parliament even though the parties are the same, the roles are different.

Dejected by the session, which was meant to check the rising prices but instead turned into a focus area for something called as the Leader of Opposition, Happening decided to leave for Bangalore mid-way after lunch from the nearest canteen filled with the stench of black money trickling down the pockets of most of these white-clothed people who rule the country (so as to say).

Now that his The Dust Particle had been confiscated, Happening no longer had the luxury of a private mode of travel. Hence he decided to try out something which he hadn’t done since the Zinedine Zidane headbutt incident in the 2006 World Cup… an aggressive gesture invented and taught by Happening which had caused an international uproar when it came under the limelight unexpectedly. That was the last time Happening sat in a  train… as people literally wet their pants anticipating the same manoeuvre from him if anything untoward happened. But today, after a long break Happening finally decided to take a train. He decided to take a 3rd tier AC instead of the Sleeper class which is now notoriously known for alien travellers like rats, snakes and even goats or sheep. Being a yoga enthusiast, Happ straight away settled for the top birth as he has all the combination of reptilian, avian and simian manoeuvres which other humans have lost without a damn, largely due to evolution.

Now it’s all about forgetting this unforgettable day and devising a new mode of instantaneous real-time transportation for the hapless Happ which no one can confiscate in the future.

The Transformation Efficacy

I took the blank newspaper which arrived at my doorstep in the morning and inserted it into the USB port of my laptop. The game “The Great Indian Tamasha” starts to load. Now here’s the thing about this game. The main character of this game, the first and the one and only virtual superhero on this planet, Happening Babua creates sensations in whatever he does and thus makes the headlines of India as well as the world. The entire journalism sector is centered on the acts of Happening Babua (HaBa).

The game has finally loaded now. At last, it has been raining cats and dogs in Bangalore and HaBa, lying on a puddle of water on the terrace of his haunted-looking building,  has soaked in all the raindrops which dripped into his mouth. Since his internal organs are lined with sponge, he’ll have a store of water-energy for a considerable amount of time. His physical appearance has also changed drastically. Just like Raisin turning into Grape, his pale white complexion has taken a turn towards a pinkish one due to the consumption of his healthiest diet and has developed another ab – 4 now instead of yesterday’s 3!!!

After seeing his new-found-skin-complexion in his amoeba-shaped mirror he is so happy that he has decided to travel to Delhi on his personal vehicle-The Dust Particle to thank the Met Department officials for their on-the-spot rain prophecy. This has now also resulted in lowering the Stress Level Meter in the Met Department as they can now stay alive without any fear of getting assaulted by HaBa’s acid-spit.

On his way out of the department, he sees Prime Minister NaMo giving blessings to the MPs as they were touching his feet. When NaMo saw that HaBa is watching him, he immediately calls for a meeting in the Central Hall of Parliament and asks all the MPs not to touch his feet or that of any other senior leader anytime and rather be punctual and prepared for all the sessions; a reference to HaBa’s exquisite punctuality and his preparedness of bringing a bottle of Bangalore’s rainwater for the Met officials to taste.

And in addition to this, it’s worth noting that Flipkart’s promise to get the MotoE on the site by 11 AM is the total opposite of how seriously HaBa takes his words. HaBa is already thinking of going and convincing the government to immediately implement FDI in eCommerce to teach Flipkart a lesson. In spite of his regular purchase of scented candles to lighten up his house while at the same time getting rid of the stink of the carcasses of cockroaches and lizards, Flipkart hasn’t learnt how loyal HaBa has been to them till now.

But poor HaBa…and I mean literally poor…as in pauper. He has to book an LPG cylinder before the next month so that he can enjoy his patented pudding-Strawberry-Neem seed hot coffee fudge-at the same price as they’ll be dear next month.

And on a different note; seeing the healthy-looking HaBa at his pink, the NSE and the BSE both touched an all time high despite SEBI’s accusation of L&T Finance’s involvement in insider trading which didn’t really deter anyone.

The Monsoon Prophecy

I took the blank newspaper which arrived at my doorstep in the morning and inserted it into the USB port of my laptop. The game “The Great Indian Tamasha of Happening Babua” starts to load. Now here’s the thing about this game. The main character of this game, the first and the one and only virtual superhero on this planet, Happening Babua creates sensations in whatever he does and thus makes the headlines of India as well as the world. The entire journalism sector is centered on the acts of Happening Babua.

The game has finally loaded now. On the barren lands of the cracked earth Happening Babua is anxious to know when he’ll be able to drink water. He never drinks water from the taps, bottles, glasses etc. It adds a kind of artificial taste which he so loathes and is sensed immediately by his sophisticated taste buds made of Nickel resulting in the water turning into acid in his mouth. That’s just one of his super powers.  Thus, in the eager anticipation of drinking water directly from the skies, he goes straight to New Delhi at the speed of Mach 3 on his personal emergency travel vehicle- The Dust Particle- and threatens to destroy the Weather Department with his acid laden spit unless they tell him when the monsoon is going to arrive. Panic stricken, the officials have given him a time of 24 hours for the arrival of monsoon in South India and have since vacated their offices and homes in case they have to face the wrath of the unpredictable Happening as he has nothing else to do if the prophecy is not true. As a result of this monsoon news, the Nifty hits the highest level in more than a week.

In order to celebrate the World Environment today, Happening plants a sapling in the middle of the Indian Ocean with cameras to detect some illegal activities and keep them in check, seeing which even Prime Minister Narendra Modi pledged to save mother earth. And in order to make the political environment also stronger he led the newly elected MPs take oath in the 16th Lok Sabha. This should take Happening’s mind away from his water crises and he calls the US president Barack Obama to meet Modi and mend the Indo-US relationship which was long due. This will now result in NaMo visiting US in September after seeking blessings from Happpening.

On the way out of the Met Department, he comes across Shekhar Gupta. Their interaction actually dates back to 2nd June, ie 3 days ago, when Happening was in a mood to read a newspaper in the afternoon after his futile search for dark clouds in the sky. Tiredness comparable to the most active snail on this planet, he selected Indian Express to read. Suddenly a fly came from nowhere and sat on his nose which prompted him to squash it to a horrible Final Destination-like death with the newspaper. He returned the blood-stained paper back to the vendor and selected a magazine and went home instead. Once this incident spread like wildfire in the evening, Editor-in-chief of the Indian Express Shekhar Gupta resigned as he felt that he was not effective in keeping Happening’s reading interest. On the 3rd, he went to Happening’s home and pleaded him to disclose which news magazine he had bought. After finding out that it was India Today that Happening turned to read news, Shekhar Gupta went to their office to become their Vice-Chairman and has vowed never to let Happening down again. Just one thing. Just one little thing or incident or action or decision of Happening. Enough to steer people in different directions.Back to the current moment,  Shekhar who had tears rolling down his eyes by now sought blessings from Happening and gave him a lift to France in his private plane. Seeing Happening on the front row, Maria Sharapova got so excited that she just finished the semi-final game off by winning it and came running towards Happening to take his autograph, which he so reluctantly obliged as he is not used to being looked upon a lot. In spite of his heroic acts to this nation the children of India still consider him to be the second best superhero after Rajinikanth, which Happening has finally come to terms with. After giving the autograph to Maria, he immediately flew straight to Amazon’s office in US  to unveil a video of a 3D holographic phone. He’d rather not disclose that it was actually his brainchild as this would disappoint all the children back home in India who would have to come to terms with the fact that Happening Babua is the real ultra-super hero of the world and Rajinikanth is nothing in front of him. Happening has such a big heart.

After coming back to New Delhi, he was so happy with the service that he made the Airport Council International (ACI) declare the Delhi Airport to be the 2nd best in the world…you know as he’s now comfortable with the 2nd best superhero tag. His presence was so scintillating that they ultimately forgot that this airport is actually a lake during monsoons. But anyway the awards stand as of now.

Happening is finally now back to his home and staring at the terrace to lick the first drops of rain.