After yesterday’s train travel by Happening Babua, the Sensex climbed a record high as people thought that Happ is finally satisfied by the services of the Indian Railways and India’s infrastructure. Little did they know the real reason behind this travel.
Anyway, reacting to the optimism on the financial indices, the Government of India immediately announced a new Railway Budget for the year 2014-15 hoping to entice Happ into the world of exotic rail travel and thus inspiring millions of Indians.
So here’s what and why of 5 of the points:
- A faster IRCTC
India’s number one e-commerce portal has borne the wrath of Happ since the time it came into existence. Whenever Happ accessed the site though his PC (a combination of a black and white monitor and a typewriter) the site usually froze to death at the sight of Happ’s pimple ladened face. Having run out of patience after around 23 seconds when Happ finally hammers his typewriter in anger, the IRCTC site politely gets crashed. The government wants to make this site more Happ-friendly thus encouraging him to use trains.
As a fail-safe, there’ll also be provision to book tickets through phone and post offices.
- Diamond Quadrilateral
Now that The Dust Particle has been confiscated by the government, it is their duty to make sure that the ever-busy Happ travels effortlessly across the lengths and breadths of the country so that he can reach on time for all the public functions like inaugurating a shop, examining the seacoast for tortoise eggs, holidaying inside the gullies of India etc. To facilitate this, all the major metros will be connected through high speed trains which still fall short of Happ’s preferred speed of Mach 3.
- Bullet trains
To alleviate the travel of the people of Ahmedabad to Mumbai before they are unceremoniously sent back again due to the non-maharashtrian mentality, there’ll be Bullet trains between these 2 cities. This will also halt Happ’s intervention in stopping the community fights as more people usually end up in the hospitals because of Happ compared to when they’re left alone to fight.
- Cleaner trains
Happ has been the biggest victim of botched cleanliness on trains and platforms as he holds the record for the most number of nose fractures after stepping on banana peels in these places. Seeing their idol going through this, even his followers followed his footsteps last year thus taking up all the hospital rooms throughout the country. The government wants to avoid this situation at any cost.
- Station alerts
Even though Happ’s melodic snores keep the passengers on their toes throughout the journey, Happ usually misses his stations on a highly regular basis- in other words- always. Thus he’ll get mobile alerts on his phone when he arrives at his destination. But will it be effective, at a time when even the train horns have proved pathetic, is yet to be gauged.
The Happenings of Hapless Happ 