Happening Sports Scenario

It’s not every day that our beloved hapless Happ watches cricket, you know? The last time he sat down to watch a cricket match was during the last world cup where he was told by the God of Cricket himself that it would be his last world cup. Not wanting to miss this imminent end of an era, Happ watched the world cup with delight. Motivated by this new VVVVVIP viewer, the Team India performed exceptionally well and won the cup. WOW… such a respect for Happ every one has in this world!

However it was this year’s 26th March, when Team India was playing against Australia, that they got to know the true power of Happ’s blessings. Angered by the internal mismanagement inside the BCCI, Happ vowed not to support the team this time. And boy, they did miss that support!

Happ, instead, put his quota of blessings on New Zealand. No surprise here as to why they proved themselves to be the the dark horse, is there? And the only reason they lost in the finals was because Happ was chasing the kids on the streets who were teasing him by wearing ‘We love Rajinikanth’ t-shirts. If only, Happ was, instead, sitting in the barber shop he usually sits to watch a cricket match, things would have been entirely different. This defeat ultimately led New Zealand’s Daniel Vettori, the inspiring leader that he is, to end his 18-year career in the game as he thought that he let Happ down.

Happ saddened by the turn of events, which he had inadvertently orchestrated, took the cricket ball of these kids and hit it with a swing never seen before in the world. This shot was replicated by Saina Nehwal, thus helping her to become the No. 1 badminton player in the world. Just another example of Indian youngsters succeeding on the global stage by emulating just a part of Happ’s moves! Truly, Happ is a legend!

And on a different note, Indian Government is worried about Happ’s 2020 mission of him becoming the ‘Master of all trades and jack of none’. Because Happ works in different companies every day, India seems to be running out of companies for Happ. That’s why Jack Ma of Alibaba has come to invest more funds in India. This will result in more Indian technology entrepreneurs, thus giving Happ more job profiles to work in.

Just one of the instances where billionaires try to please our hapless Happ.

A Happening Comeback

Remember two months back when Happ simmered down in the sewers of Bangalore to invent a travel device?

Don’t? Then here’s a synopsis. The Dust Particle – his travel companion – was confiscated by the government of India, which prompted him to device a breakthrough. At the same time his pet goldfish – Goldilocks had laid an egg thus giving birth to a Pigeon! Sadly it flew off in its quest for adventure leaving the hapless Happ all by himself to invent a transportation device. Well… that was the story back then.

And for the next two months, he was in there… in the sewers… isolated from the world… in his pursuit of being the next Wright Brothers. Being in the sewer also helped him avoid all the hoopla surrounding Bang Bang. With all the scraps he could collect from the thieves of the locality (after handing them over to the police of course), he went all out in to make sure he invented a device no one could dare to confiscate. He also watched all the Iron Man movies for inspiration. However, all the cockroaches and rodents from the sewers came out onto the surface as they couldn’t bear Happening rapping Eminem’s ‘Lose Yourself’ day in and day out. The unprecedented rains of Bangalore however took a toll on their population rendering them almost close to extinction! See, how Happ contributed to the Swachh Bharat Abhiyan? Not just superficial cleaning but intrinsic cleansing. That’s why everyone loves him – The Megahero of Superheroes!

However, in the solitude of the sewage, Happ developed a highly keen sense of hearing – his hearing became more sensitive than a dog and a cat combined. His eyesight has also bettered. It’s more powerful than a golden eagle’s.

One day, in this time of isolation in the sewers, he started hearing his name “Happ, Happ. Come up. Come up” constantly. He thought that he was out of his mind. Yet he kept on devising his stuff until the rainfall started seeping into the sewer leaving most of the scraps as rust. Halfheartedly he gave up his quest and went to his home only to find a guest waiting for him. The Pigeon. Yeah…that one. Goldilocks’ child. It had become a beauty in itself with radium-like sheeny eyes, colour-changing feathers and graceful-swifty moves. It apologised to Happ for leaving him when Happ was depressed. Yes, it talked. However, turns out that it was doing its duty by going around the world and remembering all the routes in each and every country. The Pigeon was brought down, it seems, by god to serve Happ as his transportation vehicle. It can change its size – from a normal pigeon size to an ostrich size. It was also capable of receiving telecom and radio rays through its eyes and communicating the message through its mouth, and passing Happ’s voice through its ears across the spectrum. This solved all of Happ’s worries regarding transportation with an added benefit of a communication device!

After bonding with his Pigeon, Happ was finally taking a stroll across the skylines of Bangalore yesterday when he saw a bunch of college kids looking at the picture of a naked woman on their phones. Happ, more than 40 feet above the city, saw the caption which read ‘Kim Kardashian on Paper’. Straight from his Pigeon throne, Happ questioned himself “Who is Kim Kardashian?”. Just to himself.

And today, the epitome of narcissism confirmed that she’s coming to India this Saturday on Big Boss. No prizes for guessing the reason of her visit, is there?

Bang Bang on Happlist

Okay. It has been enough. It was on the 2nd of July that Happening Babua was fascinated by something unusual – The poster for the Hrithik Roshan and Katrina Kaif starrer Bang Bang. Apparently, according to various news channels, they re-defined hotness in Bollywood with their nuclear chemistry. But today, it has made it to his personal blacklist aka Happlist.

 

Why? Here’re the reasons organised by Happ:

Reason 1: The Poster

At a time when the entire India was captivated by this highly-photoshopped poster of a flop hollywood rip-off with its random people on speedboats and water scooters, a plane, loads of water, loads of spray, water-explosion and of course the stars with their shiny bodies, Happening was wondering why was Hrithik glaring at Katrina’s nose? Is it really more impressive than more impressive cleavage from close quarters? And more importantly, why the hell were her eyes closed?

After an exhausting investigation which was carried out for 16 hours, Happ finally had the breakthrough. He applied some heavy-duty make-up on his eyelids — eye shadow, eyeliner, fake eyelashes etc. This made it impossible for him to lift his eyelids to look at himself in the mirror. And that’s the reason, he concluded, why Katrina had lowered her eyes and couldn’t return Hrithik’s glare. By the way, it was only after 3 days that Happening could open his eyes again. Exhaustion had taken its toll on him.  This irked him like hell! That was the first bullet.

Reason 2: Then came the trailer. Oh…the trailer

Reason 2.1: The Dream Steal

Hrithik taking a tour of the city’s rooftops while the cars are blowing up everywhere. Hey this is Happ’s everyday dream. How did they steal something which he dreams of everyday? If only there was a Dream Copyright Law, the situation would have prevented the movie from being made… or better still, Happ getting paid for the idea.

Reason 2.2: Gravity-defying Hair Gel

Katrina falling on the floor from a respectable height, or getting thrown around a car which is getting hammered with bullets, doing a somersault on a bike and firing a gun…. and her hair? Always ramp-ready!

And what about Hrithik’s? He hangs mid-air, jumps off cliffs, drives cars, shoots people and rolls on grime — again such well-behaved hair!

And the secret to this is the palm oil… produced from a palm tree which was tended by Happ since the past 4 years. And last year, the tree went missing – along with its roots. Happ is sure that the makers of Bang Bang have got something to do with this.

Reason 2.3: Car Wipeout

Beautiful cars being driven maniacally and then being destroyed! Happening had to be bailed out by the Indian Government for not repaying the loan for his second-hand bicycle due to the economic downturn. And here? These guys have upped Rohit Shetty’s legacy!

Reason 3: The Music Videos

Reason 3.1: Katrina’s Legs

How can a pair of legs play such a big part of a music video? Recall Meherbaan? Why do they get so much exposure? When Happening last visited the beaches of Goa in his bermuda, the Goan police put up A-certificate boards across the beaches to prevent children and ladies from going there. Is this justice?

Reason 3.2: Bronzifying Bodies

And today was the ultimate nail in the coffin for Happening’s life instigated by Bang Bang’s title song.

Happ had gracefully accepted the ‘shine’ showcased in Meherbaan and Tu Meri. But today, the hapless Happ was almost blinded due to the lights reflecting off Hrithik’s bronze-coloured chest and abs. He just couldn’t bear it. It was like being sprinkled with chilli powder on your eyes. He had to take a break by pouring ice-creams on his eyes. But he never leaves anything unfinished… even if it means that he has to watch a video that can be fatal to his health. So he had to rent a pair of sunglasses to watch the remaining part of the video – a video where it seemed that Hrithik had taken possession of Katrina’s wardrobe.

The bronze body of Hrithik reminded Happ of the days when the government lobbied hard to set up his – Happ’s – bronze statues across India for his deeds to the nation. Being the down-to-earth kind of guy that he is, he had rejected the government’s proposal. However, with the bronze wave captivating India right now, the government is sure to approach him again.

 

Bang Bang surely has made it to Happ’s blacklist today! Will this impact its box office collection? Time will answer.

Happening-ly One

After being out of the limelight for more than two months, Happening Babua was seen again today at a nearby chai shop witnessing the launch of Android One phones. But the important question which remains to be answered is ‘Where was he all this time?’.

 

It dates back to the the 7th of July when Happ’s personal transporter – The Dust Particle was confiscated by the Indian Government.  It was this unforgettable day which made Happ travel through a train and put tremendous mental pressure on him to devise a new mode of instantaneous real-time transportation which no one could confiscate in the future. This is what made him go into hiding and search for all kind of rubbish among the carcasses of cockroaches and lizards in his house. At last he came across an egg laid by his pet fish – Goldilocks. He took care of the egg for a month, while also focussing on his invention, till it hatched. A baby pigeon or squab, as it’s known as, slowly opened its eyes and surprise surprise! – the popcorn seeds nearby started popping soon enough and the baby ate those happily. It was as if it had superpowers. It had the eyeballs capable of emitting radio waves and lazers. This was perfect for a communication device for Happening. A perfect gift from his beloved Goldilocks.  However, it flew away after some days leaving Happ all alone in his quest to invent a transportation device. In his focus to invent the best possible device, he discontinued all of his outside communications and remained in his home.

 

When companies and government needed his help, Happ slipped into the sewage system of his building so that no one could find him. This is when Google decided that it needed to promote the launch of low-cost smartphones so that poor people like Happ could be contacted by the less-important-than-Happ people of the world and solve their issues. This was the basis of the Android One platform where Google saves the manufacturers their time and money by giving them a reference design, which they can use to make smartphones at lower costs. This is targeted at people who want to buy smartphones for the first time in their lives and have no bulgy wallet to do so.

After consulting Happ’s favourite top Indian mobile manufacturers, Google launched their phones today.

 

It’s yet to be seen whether Happ will buy any of these handsets or has come up with something breathtaking in the sewers of Bangalore.

 

Happening-ly Railways Budget

After yesterday’s train travel by Happening Babua, the Sensex climbed a record high as people thought that Happ is finally satisfied by the services of the Indian Railways and India’s infrastructure. Little did they know the real reason behind this travel.

Anyway, reacting to the optimism on the financial indices, the Government of India immediately announced a new Railway Budget for the year 2014-15 hoping to entice Happ into the world of exotic rail travel and thus inspiring millions of Indians.

So here’s what and why of 5 of the points:

1.       A faster IRCTC

India’s number one e-commerce portal has borne the wrath of Happ since the time it came into existence.  Whenever Happ accessed the site though his PC (a combination of a black and white monitor and a typewriter) the site usually froze to death at the sight of Happ’s pimple ladened face. Having run out of patience after around 23 seconds when Happ finally hammers his typewriter in anger, the IRCTC site politely gets crashed. The government wants to make this site more Happ-friendly thus encouraging him to use trains.

As a fail-safe, there’ll also be provision to book tickets through phone and post offices.

2.       Diamond Quadrilateral

Now that The Dust Particle has been confiscated by the government, it is their duty to make sure that the ever-busy Happ travels effortlessly across the lengths and breadths of the country so that he can reach on time for all the public functions like inaugurating a shop, examining the seacoast for tortoise eggs, holidaying inside the gullies of India etc. To facilitate this, all the major metros will be connected through high speed trains which still fall short of Happ’s preferred speed of Mach 3.

3.       Bullet trains

To alleviate the travel of the people of Ahmedabad to Mumbai before they are unceremoniously sent back again due to the non-maharashtrian mentality, there’ll be Bullet trains between these 2 cities. This will also halt Happ’s intervention in stopping the community fights as more people usually end up in the hospitals because of Happ compared to when they’re left alone to fight.

4.       Cleaner trains

Happ has been the biggest victim of botched cleanliness on trains and platforms as he holds the record for the most number of nose fractures after stepping on banana peels in these places.  Seeing their idol going through this, even his followers followed his footsteps last year thus taking up all the hospital rooms throughout the country. The government wants to avoid this situation at any cost.

5.       Station alerts

Even though Happ’s melodic snores keep the passengers on their toes throughout the journey, Happ usually misses his stations on a highly regular basis- in other words- always. Thus he’ll get mobile alerts on his phone when he arrives at his destination. But will it be effective, at a time when even the train horns have proved pathetic, is yet to be gauged.