Today President Pranab Mukherjee addressed a joint session of parliament highlighting some important points which the new government will try to fulfill. But did you know why those points came to be highlighted? Here’re the points and the reasons:
1. ‘Minimum Govt, Maximum Governance’
By reducing the number of ministries tremendously and merging a few ministries, the new government wants to control the nation by having a minimum core group of people who’ll run the country.
Reason: Last year there was a contest named ‘Kaamchors Come Back ’ on the desolate Thar Desert of Rajasthan. The purpose of the contest was to fish out all the earthworms who had come for a sunbath in the sands of Rajasthan from the agrarian land of Punjab. They hadn’t returned back post the three-month vacation they had sought from the Department of Irrigation of Punjab in spite of the repeated calls through the camels. When the government had had it enough it wanted people to extract these kaamchors and hand them over to the Punjab government. There were just 2 teams remaining which wanted the coveted title of ‘Kaamchor chors’. One was the Democratic Party of College (DPC) and the other one was Killer Haps(KH) led by our beloved Happening Babua aka hapless Hap.
On the final round, the DPC were busy working with a number of small teams on the entire land of the desert looking for the earthworms and the KH, with the cunningness of a fox, went to an Oasis and concentrated all their efforts by digging out a majority of the kaamchors by dividing themselves into a very small number of very small teams.
Seeing the success of hapless Hap’s model of success, the new government is really looking forward to enact this model as a respect to the hapless Hap.
2. Inflation
Containing food inflation will be the topmost priority of the government.
Reason: While returning the earthworms,the KH got so furious with the lackadaisical kaamchors that they manhandled a few of them by throwing them in the air to play catch-catch with the Vultures who had come to devour hapless Hap’s patented ‘Strawberry-Neem seed hot coffee fudge’ if they lose. That was a bet…it’s an entirely different and unrelated story though. The catch-catch led to an only one directional catch play where the vultures kidnapped most of the earthworms and tried to assault the helpless Hap. This had eventually led to the rising food prices of India as the living earthworms swore not to reproduce because they feared hapless Hap’s atrocities against their children would put their community in a bad light in front of the ‘Red Tiger Worms’. Being as headstrong as the hapless Hap, the government thinks that food inflation is the most major issue to tackle right now.
3. Defence
The government will encourage private investments in defence production, and also liberalise FDI in defence production.
Reason: Because of the kidnappings of the valuable kaamchors last year and also the assault attempt on the hapless Hap, the government has decided to protect the humans of India by modernising the armed forces, including addressing the issue of manpower shortages and the importance of coastal security as the vultures were last seen flying to the Lakshadweep islands. A national maritime authority is slated to be set up, and the government will construct a national war memorial too. It will also appoint a veterans commission to address their grievances. The government will pursue a policy of zero tolerance towards terrorism and religious extremism against Indians and most importantly the hapless Hap.
4. Environment
Environmental issues are also a priority on the government’s agenda. Water conservation will be on top of the list.
Reason: Looking at hapless Hap’s transparent body in the summers due to lack of drinking water and his stubbornness to drink water only from natural sources the government has decided that each drop of water is precious. The government is committed to provide water security and will launch Pradhan Mantri Krishi Sinchai Yojana. The government’s Swachch Bharat Mission is also aimed at being part of the same agenda. Considering our national heritage, a National Mission on Himalayas is to be launched. Also, the cleaning and rejuvenation of the River Ganga is a top priority, to ensure perennial flow in the river so that the hapless Hap can quench his thirst whenever he visits North or East India.
5. Infrastructure
The government will chalk out an ambitious infrastructure development program, with new projects aimed at developing smaller areas.
Reason:The hapless Hap has always made it a point to travel on his proprietary ‘The Dust Particle’ through radio waves for all his travel needs. In order to encourage him to ditch his mode and mix around with people, the government is to revamp the railways, including the launch of a diamond quadrilateral project for high-speed trains, as the hapless Hap is a damn impatient person. In the aviation industry, low cost airports will be developed to promote air connectivity to smaller towns which so far have been avoided by the hapless Hap. A broadband highway to every village is also on the cards.
The Happenings of Hapless Happ 